This day did not come easy let me say that!!!!
First of all, it’s 25 years in the making. I can’t remember the exact moment I saw and heard Chris Cornell, but I know it was early high school, circa 1990 (I’m 39). Ever since then I’ve been listening, and watching. I remember playing Soundgarden Flower EP in my cassette player during downtime in class. I remember watching (and recording) Headbangers ball. I remember that concert a long time ago at the Unicorn (which used to be an old grocery store), Chris Cornell stage diving RIGHT over me and nearly falling on me! I remember his “scenes” in Singles, which remains my favorite movie to this day, and not just because of Chris. It’s a timeless movie with great music and plot! A chick flick with kickass music. What more could you want? I remember Lollapolooza at the Fort Bend Fairgrounds … the mud, sweat and tears!
Then Soundgarden broke up.
Now what?
It was a bad dream, but I still had the music to listen to, Soundgarden, Temple of the Dog and a little solo stuff (Sunshower). Then Chris came out with his first solo album, releasing Euphoria Morning and I fell in love all over again… and again and again with Carry On, Songbook, Scream and later with Audioslave. He cut his hair, and I still loved him, realizing it wasn’t about the looks, it was the SOUND. The voice, the lyrics, the music. All about the music (ok, and a little looks). I saw him solo for the Euphoria Morning and Scream tour. I barely remember the Euphoria Morning tour, but I DO remember that someone I knew was gonna get me a backstage pass, and I missed the call. That was the closest I’d ever come to meeting him. Life goes on… Soundgarden re-united and I saw them twice, both times from far away in large arenas, nothing like the intimate setting where I saw the Scream tour…. standing just feet from the stage. I missed his Songbook stop in Houston, because tickets sold out in seconds and I was unaware of sites like Stubhub back then. I also never saw Audioslave because they always played at stupid festivals I never wanted to attend.
September 2015 Higher Truth release… I’ll be honest, I didn’t really know Chris was even working on this album until shortly before its release. I heard an NPR piece about it, including an interview and some snip-its of the songs. Wow. At that moment, I wanted it badly. After it came in the mail, I put it in the car, iPod and iTunes and it’s been on repeat ever since! No joke. I have to listen EVERY DAY, or the world is not right. I knew Chris would tour. I knew I wanted to see him. I saw him on the Scream tour and he BLEW me away. Blew my mind. Got tickets to Dallas on my birthday, then Houston (where I waited outside in the cold rain for over an hour after the show in hopes of running into him), St. Louis, then Charlotte. Something told me it wasn’t over. And it wasn’t.
I knew Chris offered meet and greets (including 2 tickets) through IfOnly.com. I had checked there periodically, and he didn’t offer any the first leg of the tour, but then he offered them up for the second leg. I thought about it briefly for Charlotte, but before I could take a bite, they were gone. Then in July I checked again, just for shits and giggles. To torture myself. And lo and behold… I scroll down reading “sold out” again and again and again, then wait a minute! One available for Regina, Canada. WTF!!! Could it be? Where the fuck is Regina (pronounced RE-gyna BTW)? (….head over to GoogleMaps). I clicked “purchase” and put it in the cart, then left the computer, thinking what if? But it’ll be gone soon anyway, so why think about it. The next morning I woke up with a reminder email about the purchase in my cart. It’s still there! No way!
Almost instinctively, and impulsively, I continued the transaction. I had seen Chris perform four separate times this tour…. And now was the time to finally meet him. I was in the mountains with VERY spotty internet connection, so it took awhile… a couple of attempts. Then BAM. Purchased. Holy shit! Now what!? I got very excited, then thought, who is gonna come with me to this? I hurried to FB where I frantically put out the feelers. Not one bite! Everyone who wanted to had already met him and was out of money – due to traveling to see him like me, etc. No matter. I pushed on, my mind literally SPINNING with the idea that I would meet Chris. I refused to believe it, though, until all the logistics were worked out, and even until the second before he walked into the room, but I will get to that later. I scrambled to try to book a flight to Regina fucking Canada. Found one. Booked. The next day, or after, I can’t remember, I realized I booked the trip for the WRONG DAY!!! OMG!!!! It must have been due to contracting the very rare disease called “Going to meet my favorite rock star amnesia.” So I had to call and cancel and re-reserve. I spent like 2 hours on my dearly “dead” phone, in a van traveling across country. I was in the backseat and had to scramble to plug my phone up front so it wouldn’t lose the charge during the phone call (while my step dad drove)!!!! Unbelievable, but got it straightened out.
Then, the more I thought about it I realized the trip is in CANADA!!!! I had no idea where my passport was. I was out of state and couldn’t search. Plus, I remember the last time I saw it (God knows when) it was expired! AHHH! Frantically started searching for how to expedite. When I got home I tore the whole place up looking for it, and finally found it, after several rounds with the passport expediting company. I had to gather SEVERAL documents, including a newly ordered birth certificate, and mail them off. It took like two days and several hundred dollars (more). SHIT!!! Oh, and I failed to mention that the weekend BEFORE the Canada trip, I had already booked ANOTHER trip to see another concert with a friend out of state!!! So….. I had to cancel that and… even worse had to call her to tell her I wasn’t coming, because, well, I was going to MEET Chris Cornell. FUCK!!! After all the travel was booked, background check completed from ifonly.com, and hotel…. I sat back and waited. The passport arrived and it really started feeling real. Thinking of the moment made my heart race…. Literally. What would I say/do when I saw him? I only had 5 minutes! Would I remember everything!? What would he say? What would I get him to sign/give him! OMG the thoughts were endless….
Fast forward to July 25, 2016…. Day of departure. Bags packed, leaving behind a condo in utter disarray from painting and renovating, I headed to Bush Intercontinental. I don’t usually travel through there, but knew of a cheap overnight parking spot with a shuttle. Remember all my previous travel headaches? Well, more were coming. The parking lot machine ate my credit card. There were storms in the surrounding area and my plane BARELY took off…. We sat there for over an hour… praying the storms wouldn’t move in closer! Finally, we’re in the air!!! Once in Canada, I literally RAN to customs, waddled through security and RAN to my gate, where they were announcing final boarding call. What was initially supposed to be a 2 HOUR layover turned out to be 2 seconds!!! I arrived at my hotel at like 1 a.m. and barely slept. Awoke the next day to a beautiful morning. After tossing and turning for some time, I went downstairs for breakfast. I went back to my room and decided to take a walk. I headed out towards what looked like the downtown business area and decided that I needed to get some cash for the bus. After that I kept walking and “ran into” the mall! I walked around inside and purchased some Canadian souvenirs at the dollar store!! Really should be called the $2 store. Anyway, walked a little more then went back to the hotel to watch a little Netflix. Later that afternoon, I decided to go back out again to get lunch/dinner combination. Got some great Chinese food and chilled out a bit more.
Then a text: “Hi Emily, Martin here. Chris C’s security. Please meet me at the merchandise table at 7:30 pm with your guest. Thanks.”
Shit just got real.
And, uh… I don’t have a guest.
I shower and get ready, putting on my best attire. The tights I brought were NOT the ones I expected, but oh well. I think I looked the best I could in that moment.
Then I get another text: “Our flight is delayed. Let’s meet at 7:45 instead. Don’t worry you will definitely meet him before he goes on.”
Breathe. It’s ok….
I gathered my items to bring and walked to the bus stop. I get there no problem… it was a short walk to the Conexus Art Center… however there was NO sidewalk leading directly to it, so I had to poke holes in the grass to get there with my heels! Oh well! I got there just after 6:30 when doors opened. People are starting to trickle in. The front doors are VERY close to the admission area and very small merchandise booth. I give the nice older lady at will-call my last name and she can’t find it. I tell her I’m on the band’s guest list. God, I felt SO special. This was it! Finally, I get the real fan treatment!!!! I wait for a while and another lady comes out and says they’re retrieving my ticket. A short while later she brings it back… It is orchestra row G (13th row) – well I had 4th for Charlotte, so I was a little disappointed, but immensely grateful I wasn’t BALCONY! I check out the merchandise and don’t buy anything. I go to the bathroom to adjust my annoying tights and check makeup. I get a drink of water from the fountain. I check FB. I stalk my text message box.
Then at 7:45: “Just left the airport. Be there soon.”
Holy shit again. Soon. He’ll be here soon. I’d been waiting for over an hour, so soon felt so - soon.
Back to the bathroom to adjust. More water…. Back to the merch booth. And there was Martin, who said “There you are. Let’s go…. follow me” … and so it began. I looked at Martin, grasped the items I brought for Chris and walked, one foot in front of the other, up some stairs, weaving through the crowds, dodging dudes juggling beers. Taking deep breaths. Heading to and through the black doors that lead to the other side where Chris is. Inside it’s pitch black and Martin has to shine a light and say watch your step. I mention how nervous I am, and Martin tells me something like – “Don’t worry, Chris is really cool.” He says we’ll find a dressing room and set up. We go to the first one on the left through a narrow hallway. It’s small, carpeted and lit with dim florescent. There is a mirrored wall to the left with a long, brown table beside… a small, dingy white-tiled shower with a curtain (which I peer into and briefly wonder if I’ll have to shower after this whole experience). There’s also a toilet straight ahead, with an old-timey white sink in the middle. There are angled mirrors to the right, fashioned in dressing room “style”, and a small black, mini fridge alongside. Martin grabs two plain, brown cushioned chairs and puts them right in front of each other. The room and space are so small, the chairs so close together.
Then he says he’s gonna get Chris. Then I almost fail to breathe. I have to actually remember to breathe. I have to remember to breathe as I write this, 33 hours later. While Martin’s away I realize my mouth is so parched. I spy a nearly-empty abandoned water bottle on top of the mini-fridge and desperately debate swigging it, but instead take a quick a drink from the faucet. It’s so nasty, but I don’t care. I wipe my mouth and look in the mirror. This is it. No time for primping. No time for remembering. I turn and moments later, Chris rounds the corner and almost glides into the room, like a Rock God apparition. There he is, standing RIGHT in front of me, hand outstretched. We shake hands and I place my other hand on his and smile. He hugs me. Wow. We sit. The items I brought for autographs are next to us on the table. And before I know it, I look over the door is mostly CLOSED and we’re sitting, directly in front of each other in this tiny space, just the TWO of us!!!!!!!!!! Chris Cornell and I are alone, although very briefly. I had him ALL to myself, contained, no one else around!! How cool is that! What did we talk about? It’s kind of a blur, but here’s the gist.
I told him I’m from Texas, and explained that this is my 5th concert this tour and that I came to Regina because it was the only meet and greet left. We talked about Canada and he told me that growing up in Seattle, he came to go fishing a lot when he was younger with his dad. I (think) I told him I went to Banff for my honeymoon and mentioned seeing the Canadian Rockies from the plane this trip. During what seemed like a lull in conversation, I told him Higher Truth truly touched my soul and I just had to meet him to tell him that IN PERSON. It was the real reason I was there. I wished him a happy, belated birthday and congratulations on the wonderful tour. He smiled and said thanks, his eyes twinkling behind his glasses. I told him my son loves to sing his stuff and showed him a video of Rowan singing Nearly Forgot My Broke Heart. I know my son sings at least 3 songs – NFMBH, Josephine and Higher Truth, but I could not for the life of me at that moment think of all three! I stumbled and jumbled telling Chris the track names, while trying to find the video. He held my phone and smiled and chuckled softly.
As we’re sitting I am just trying to take it ALL in, looking at him without trying to stare, but trying to remember EVERY detail. He had a reddish shirt with little holes scattered all over it, with a shirt underneath. His glasses were dark, with a beautiful greenish tint around the edges. At one point I wanted to compliment him on them, but the moment passed, like several others before and after that. I noticed lots of gray hair in his roots. I noticed a pronounced muscle on his playing arm. His skin was glowing, so smooth. I thought he seemed small, not short (obviously) but small framed, barely any width to him, like I could wrap both arms around him twice! He had greenish pants and big boots on. I noticed him long fingernails (for guitar plucking). He has aged well. Very well. He is truly beautiful. There is just no other way to put it. So the conversation went on. I asked if he missed his really long hair, and flipping it around. He smiled and said something I can’t even remember. I mentioned the Temple of the Dog reunion and that I missed the presale and he said tickets go on sale soon. I gave him his gift, explaining the quote inside the frame. I said I read somewhere that he loves to read and that I picked the quote by Sylvia Plath (his favorite author) because it reminds me to stay in the moment, which I was trying to do JUST then.
“Remember, remember, this is now, and now and now. Live it, feel it, cling to it. I want to become acutely aware of all that I’ve taken for granted,” it read.
I told him I have two children and their ages and that I’m a 3rd grade teacher. I told him about the letter I wrote to him that’s inside the frame, and he turned it over and looked for it. I laughed and said it’s inside the frame and he can open it later. Now I wish I would have taken it out. I think he thought it was taped to the back…. He seemed like he wanted to read it right then. At some point Martin came back in with a gold Sharpie and disappeared…. I can’t remember when that was, but shortly after Chris picked up my ragged Higher Truth CD cover. I remember watching him turning it over in his hands and thinking WOW, he’s holding the masterpiece HE created… I think I mentioned to him that I missed the Songbook tour, but so glad I’ve been able to see Higher Truth. He then said something like he was glad he was able to put out a CD with new songs, because SB was mostly previously released material. He muttered something about Soundgarden re-uniting. I remember him saying that it’s impossible to play under 2 hours because he just has so many songs. All the while, he’s talking AND signing his trademark signature, carefully placing the words on the front cover. I can’t even remember if I told him my name, and here is signing it, correct spelling and everything! He put the cover down and Martin came back in, then as we’re standing up Chris offered to sign my Singles DVD cover. I told him it’s my favorite movie and he should have won an Oscar for his “brief” role. Both he and Martin grinned. Hee hee.
Martin suggested where to stand for the picture – by the door. We stood so close, he put his arm around my right shoulder and I put mine on his left hip. It all seemed so natural, like we’d met before. I wasn’t nervous touching him, but I definitely noticed the feel of him!!! As I turned to gather my stuff, he bent to hug me very close. His hair was right next to my face and I clung to him gently and breathed his sweet smell in DEEPLY. I told him “thank you. From the bottom of my heart, your music means the world to me. I am a loyal fan forever, thank you so much.” He looked at me after that and said “thank you” with such simple sincerity and grace. And then it was over. As I’m being whisked away back to reality, through the darkness and into the light of the theater, I hear Martin call to me, WAIT – here’s a guitar pick and he gives it to me. ASI exit I see the stage to the left through some curtains and realize I’m “BACKSTAGE”… and I want to stay there. Exiting, I passed by opening act Fantastic Negrito, who I had also just met (along with several other fans) at the merchandise booth. He said “Hey, I know you!” And I giggled like a softly like a schoolgirl “I just met Chris!!!!”
I don’t want to write about any regrets, because I have none. Sure, I wish I’d talked more about one thing or another. I wish I would have requested a specific song. But none of that matters. I told him what really matters, how much his music and voice mean to me. It all adds up to one of the best, most surreal nights of my life. I kept thinking about it all concert long and crying… tears literally streaming as I thought about that moment (the concert was amazing and is a WHOLE different essay altogether). Tears streaming as I thought to myself, this is the LAST Higher Truth concert I’ll see. For real this time. As I listened to his charming, curse word filled rants, funny stories – stuff like calling Bryan a “gansta,” and hearing his high-pitched wails, I laugh to myself thinking – is this the same calm, collected soft spoken man I JUST met backstage!? And now there’s no going back, for I’ve lived out one of my most amazing dreams and met the most amazing artist, Chris Cornell. Thank you for your grace, and sweet, humble nature. Thanks for the hugs and talk and autographs. It was so worth it. And even as I sit here, stuck in Canada for one more day (due to a plane malfunction), I am still grateful because I have the energy to write this all down.
“Remember, remember, this is now, and now and now. Live it, feel it, cling to it. I want to become acutely aware of all that I’ve taken for granted.”
Thank you, Chris. I will never take this day for granted… I am grateful that it is indeed “our time in the universe.” All my (loud) love, Emily
Setlist 1. Before We Disappear 2. Can't Change Me 3. 'Til the Sun Comes Back Around 4. Nearly Forgot My Broken Heart 5. Nothing Compares 2 U 6. The Times They Are A-Changin' 7. Josephine 8. As Hope & Promise Fade 9. Fell on Black Days 10. Getaway Car 11. Doesn't Remind Me 12. 4th of July 13. Billie Jean 14. Blow Up the Outside World 15. Let Your Eyes Wander 16. I Am the Highway 17. Outshined 18. Rusty Cage 19. Black Hole Sun 20. You Know My Name 21. Misery Chain 22. Call Me a Dog 23. Hunger Strike 24. Say Hello 2 Heaven 25. Wooden Jesus 26. Encore: 27. Thank You 28. Seasons 29. Redemption Song 30. A Day in the Life 31. Higher Truth
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